Lawrenceville, Georgia
August 14, 2017
The surgeon said I have a raw heart,
that where he worked his high-tech
wire would heal and bear no scars.
But all he had were images,
renderings of my left atrium
processed by silicon circuits,
color coded for conductivity,
rogue circuits splotched red
across my pulmonary veins.
They fairly danced with life,
made my heart skip stutter-
step beats. That was before.
Now the big veins stand inert,
gun-metal gray, dull as lead
pipes, bare limbs of an ancient
oak shattered by a blue bolt,
frozen and fossilized — this
the price for too much life.
I walk through new life
with a hole in my heart.
I bear invisible tattoos.
Can a body hit sixty-eight
without a rough mark
clawed across the vitals?
Could a soul survive so long
in the land of incarnation
without the grace of scars?
Technology is miracle. Hospitals
crawl with angels. Doctors patch
bodies for a few more rounds.
But raw hearts ride currents
no machine can measure. Sinking,
I am buoyed by a thousand ‘thoughts
and prayers.’ Flailing, I am borne
again to source or abyss. Surely
I will drown in a sea of grace.
Your grateful, graceful sinking buoys us all.
ReplyDeleteGod is good.
Thank you, Mary. They are special times (and too brief) when we feel the goodness permeating the universe.
DeleteCan a body hit sixty-eight
ReplyDeletewithout a rough mark
clawed across the vitals?
Could a soul survive so long
in the land of incarnation
without the grace of scars?
I'm learning that they cannot. There's a line from a song "somehow I've learned how to listen to the sound of the sun going down". I can't say for sure but I may be learning that too.
Jim, what a fine thing to learn. I will try to listen.
DeleteLOVE this new poem! Also love the colorful heart pictures! The invisible tattoos hit a chord, as did the "bare limbs of an ancient oak shattered by a blue bolt, frozen and fossilized." Haven't had this experience yet, but my day may be coming... Also love that you put the Gwinnett Medical Center at the top. You actually wrote this in the hospital?
ReplyDeleteThe Gwinnet Medical Center was full of angels. Yes, I wrote the heart of this poem in my room just a few hours after the surgery after Dr. Sharma explained that I might have some tremors in the next few weeks because I had a raw heart. I've never been given an easier opening line to a poem.
Delete